oh god the rape fog is back!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
