she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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