I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
