I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize