my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
