hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize