I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
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I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.