I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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