Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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