The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on