Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.