Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.