My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me