i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter