So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?