twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
