I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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