So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
