Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
North Korea, Best Korea!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
