I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
