Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
