Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
