im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
