So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
