he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sorry my hands just texted you
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
