we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
