Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
