I need help removing her.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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