Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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