This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
