dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
