Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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