What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
