your parents love me but you hate me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
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Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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