Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
