RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
