at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
