We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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