everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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