to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
