i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize