The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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