don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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