I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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