tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
