Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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