First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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