i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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