Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
