Hey man sorry I got all grabby
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He did a backflip because drugs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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