I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
