Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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