having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize