I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
