I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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