Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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