so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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