I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
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we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
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I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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