i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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