Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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