Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
