I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
