I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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