I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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