i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
