well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize