She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
