All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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