she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
