Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
