Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
