finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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